On a recent survey, I asked you what topics you’d like to hear more of. More than 75% of you wanted to hear about how to teach good character to children. One mom put it so well when she said, “I want to know how to practically apply God’s word in today’s world.”
I’ve been thinking about various parents and children in the Bible. Some Godly parents had horrible children. Some horrible people had Godly children. Why?
I’ve been trying to figure out what the Bible says about how to train our children, and I’ve written about the methods we use in our own home. However, most of our seven children aren’t grown yet. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing things right.
Last night, I started thinking about ways that my Dad and Mom tried to instill character in my brother and me when we were children. These things had a lot of impact on my life.
First, as I look back, I remember that my parents had very clearly defined roles in our home. My mom quietly supported my Dad, finding out what he needed to do each day and then helping him. She acted the same way toward us kids. She would tell us what we needed to do, then she would softly remind us. I don’t remember hearing her raise her voice, although she would certainly raise an eyebrow or a finger in warning.
Like Samuel’s mother Hannah, or Moses’ mother Jochabed, I suspect that almost everything I learned from my mother was taught to me before I can even remember anything. This tells me the extreme importance of teaching my baby and toddler to obey, to listen (my mom called it “minding”), to hold her hand, to be kind to my brother, and to do good to others, especially to those in our local church (Galatians 6:10).
As I grew older, I have more memories of my father doing the character training in our home. He was both intentional and unintentional about it.
- He would read aloud from the Scriptures. We didn’t have family devotions daily, but we did it often enough that I understood that the Bible was of supreme importance to our family in our lives.
- He would sing spiritual songs and hymns (Colossians 3:16). (He also sang a lot of silly songs, like “Good morning to you…” and “Oh, it’s great to get up in the morning…”) One song he especially loved to sing was “Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul.” These songs have stayed with me my entire life, reminding me of proper behavior as both his child and a child of my heavenly Father.
- He helped us learn memory verses. He was a stickler for this. I can remember many times at home when my dad would say, “Why, the Bible has a good verse about that. We should memorize it.” (We’d be groaning inside… I admit it!) However, his wisdom has been helpful to me, because the verses hidden in my heart have helped me not to sin against God (Psalm 119:11).
- He filled our home with godly entertainment. Back in the day, that meant we listened to a lot of Christian radio (like Children’s Bible Hour, Ranger Bill, and the Sugar Creek Gang). We also had a lot of Christian records (and 8-tracks and audio cassettes) filled with songs and stories. We only watched TV on very special occasions, like presidential inaugurations or the Olympics. He knew that bad company corrupts good character, so he was proactive and found us “good” company.
- He had fun with us. He was silly with us and would rough house with us. I think that’s important because we liked him, and we wanted to please him. His love for us helped us trust him. Before we had the inner character to please God for the sake of righteousness alone, we would try to please our dad. We hated to disappoint him.
- He loved our mom. My dad was always complimenting her and giving her little pecks on the cheek. In fact, he told her so often that she was pretty, our pet bird started squawking, “Mommy is a pretty bird.” Simple, I know, but when someone loves his wife (and she knows his worst faults), he can be depended on to love everyone else.
- He involved us in ministry. Yes, he was a pastor, and he intentionally took us along with him as he called on people, knocked on doors and gave out invitations to church events, and attended ministry meetings. My mother was also intentional about having us help fold bulletins and help prepare for children’s ministry by cutting out flannelgraph pictures and helping make song visuals. Whatever they were doing, we were expected to help. (We loved it, too!)
- He had long discussions with us. As I grew older and became a teenager, I remember hearing friends say they couldn’t talk to their parents. I began to realize how valuable my relationship with my parents was, in that they would allow me to question and wonder, then after hours of my rambling, they would gently point me to the answers God provided in His Word.
- He lived true religion before us (James 1:27). He did what he believed, and I really think that’s the key. His relationship with God was real, not fake, so we accepted what he said as truth.
I mention my dad in all this, not because my mom didn’t teach us also (because she did), but because they did it right. Dad was the kind and gentle boss in our house, so I strongly remember the things he taught us. That’s the way it should be.
So you’ve asked me how to teach character to children. Curriculum is helpful, I suppose, but only because it reminds us mothers that we need to have authentic, godly character in ourselves first. All the lessons on “responsibility” or “attentiveness” in the world won’t help unless we parents are consistently responsible and attentive to others, day in and day out.
How do we teach godly character? Live godly character.
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“Live godly character.” This is so true, and so humbling! I’m becoming so aware how much the every day things like my attitude, speech and reactions towards problems afftect my children. I have to stay close to the Lord and come under His Lordship constantly to manage.
Loved reading this! From the short time I knew your parents when I was a child, I definitely picked up on this! I agree on living a Godly life in front of our children, it is the only way they learn what they live. So happy to know you Anne!
I’ve adopted a motto for raising my kids: More is Caught than Taught. It’s short, simple, and I remind myself of it several times a day!
My sister told me to be sure to read this posting. Since I am the older sister of your father, Anne, I am fascinated to hear about your childhood with your godly parents. I regret that I lived so far away and didn’t have the opportunity to observe this character-building in person. Obviously, you are the beautiful result of their faithful parenting!
How often have I heard, “more is caught than taught”? I remember my grandma’s walk so clearly and while she talked to us…A LOT…it’s her walk I remember the most. Thanks Anne!
I love to hear about when families get it right and I long for my children to have that one day with their families. My husband and I were not raised in homes where things were done right.I came from a home that was full of yelling and strict discipline that was not backed by godly character. My mom had me out of wedlock at 20 years old and I’ve never known who my dad is. I was raised by my grandparents after my mom married and I wasn’t wanted. My family history is full of lies and the very lack of character is overwhelming. My husband’s parents divorced when he was 5 and he was in the middle of all the arguing and bitterness and he hates conflict of any kind. We have been married for 12 years we have 5 children. Our oldest daughter, I had when I was 16 and raised with the help of my grandparents until I married my husband when she was 4. I’m currently expecting our seventh child we lost one child to miscarriage.
I say all that to say I often feel we are drowning as parents. Our children range from 16 to 3 and we don’t seem to be getting it right at all. We have been Torah observant for almost 4 years now and this is our first year homeschooling our younger children. Our oldest is still in public school and we have had major rebellion issues with her. I struggle with getting the children to listen to me and follow my instructions. They won’t complete chores and I know that a major issue is consistent discipline on my part. I was abused as a child and I have struggles with how I should correct bad behavior. I am struggling so much with our teen and feel lost as to how to correct and discipline.
I worry that I will never be able to parent the right way because I don’t have the role models and or close friends who have role models. I am so overwhelmed and need help.
I’ve been pondering your dilemma, Jannie. Honestly, if you had role models in your own hometown, that would be ideal. Like SOOOO many, however, it’s extremely difficult to find those good role models.
What about if you found those good examples in the pages of books? I would recommend reading aloud to your children, and then after every story, DISCUSS the way the people acted, both the good and the bad.
Here are some places to find lists of good books:
– All Through the Ages, by Christine Miller – http://www.nothingnewpress.com/books/all-through-the-ages-2/
– story books by Rod and Staff – https://amzn.to/2VDVA2P
– readers by Abeka – https://www.abeka.com/Search.aspx#stq=&stp=3&prodtypes=READERS (but check Amazon and Ebay for used copies)
– Honey for a Child’s Heart, by Gladys Hunt – https://amzn.to/2M01Xh5
A wonderful book to start with is *In Grandma’s Attic* by Arleta Richardson – https://amzn.to/2QicQcS
Thank you so much Anne, I would love to have more Torah following friends in my community, it is really hard to find. I am going to try the books and continue to look for good role models around me to help pour into myself and my children.
Thank you, Anne! Love ❤️ you!