Someone recently asked,
My family (extended…parents) are not thrilled (to say the least) that we will not be celebrating Christmas this year. I know this kind of conflict is common among new Torah observers. Our children are aware we will not be celebrating Christmas, but they’ve never gone without Christmas before. My husband and I have been praying and talking a lot about how we will approach the “no gifts” time with them. A feast observant church (but not necessarily fully Torah observant) that we attended briefly treats the Feast of Tabernacles as their time of celebrating with gifts. Although the Bible says this is a time of celebrating, we are torn between not wanting to “Christmasize” the Feast, but also not watching our children’s faces when they realize “no gifts, or only one gift” comes with our new practice of living out the Torah. I don’t want them to see Christmas as the more appealing option (as their flesh may easily think)…since in our culture we bought into the gift-giving season which unfortunately, as much as you try to put the focus on Christ, for the children, it ends up being on the gifts. So, is it appropriate to give gifts during the Feast, and if so, how do you prevent it from becoming anything different from Christmas other than the with the Feast traditions and a different time of year? I don’t want them to be resentful or feel they are getting a “bum deal” Also, how do you handle grandparents who are desperate to give their grandchildren gifts at Christmas? I thought of telling them to give them more at their birthdays…but wondered if you have any other ideas?
We thought we’d make this a blog post, since other families might be dealing with the same topic.
This is how our family deals with the gifts. To be honest, our finances have been very tight for several years now, so that has reduced the number of gifts all on its own, completely outside of Torah. However, we have given gifts to our children at EACH feast, and we give the largest and best gifts at Sukkot.
People get the idea of gift giving from Deuteronomy 14:22-26, which says,
“You shall tithe all the yield of your seed that comes from the field year by year. And before the Lord your God, in the place that he will choose, to make his name dwell there, you shall eat the tithe of your grain, of your wine, and of your oil, and the firstborn of your herd and flock, that you may learn to fear the Lord your God always. And if the way is too long for you, so that you are not able to carry the tithe, when the Lord your God blesses you, because the place is too far from you, which the Lord your God chooses, to set his name there, then you shall turn it into money and bind up the money in your hand and go to the place that the Lord your God chooses and spend the money for whatever you desire—oxen or sheep or wine or strong drink, whatever your appetite craves. And you shall eat there before the Lord your God and rejoice, you and your household.
The idea of using ten percent of your income (spread over all the feasts, not just this one) is important, because I don’t think we should go into debt for this or charge everything to our credit cards. But the idea of “rejoicing” at the feasts is repeated many times in the Torah, so whatever you do about gifts, I think YHWH wants us to make it fun, enjoyable, and very memorable for our children. In other words, make it so good that they won’t miss what the world is doing. Help them “taste and see that YHWH is good.”
That’s our opinion. 🙂 Whether you do that through gifts, yummy food, or making memories together, I think that’s the principle.
As for relatives giving gifts at Christmas, we don’t celebrate Christmas in any way at our home, but we’ve felt burdened that our relatives, who do not understand why we don’t any more (even though we could explain it repeatedly) feel as if we’re rejectingthem and that we don’t love them any more. To keep them from feeling resentful toward us, we have continued sending them each a small gift at Christmas each year. If they send us gifts, we graciously accept them and say thank you. It’s not about Christmas. It’s about showing love in a way they can understand. Again, this is just how we’ve done it. The grandparents especially still feel a bit upset about it, unfortunately. But maybe it has helped a little bit.
Please send a comment and share how you handle these situations in your family.
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The first year or 2 it was stressful to hear their opinions even though we gave them the reasons(along with printed review material about why) we were changing our traditions and celebrations to line up with the Bible.Most of our family finally accepts that we no longer do Christmas and we won’t attend Christmas dinner and gift exchanges, however they are welcome (and the kids invite them) to come over at some point during Chanukah and hear the history lesson, celebrate with us and exchange gifts then. Only one year did they attend our Chanukah party. Most years they give the grandkids money for some gifts to be bought and desire they show the grandparents later. We give them a small gift during that week as well. we havent been questioned on it or criticized over it in a few years now, thankfully.
Anne, our family is very new to celebrating the feasts of Yahweh and desire to do so in the same way as Yeshua did, without the “man made” traditions so to speak. This is our first year not celebrating Christmas and I don’t want to “Christmasize” Hanukkah either with gift giving. My question is (and you may have answered it) but why do people chose to give gifts mainly at Sukkot? We’re still learning 🙂
Thanks!!
Hi, Shannon! I think that’s a great question, and I can completely understand it. I know that for our family, we get it from two verses in Scripture. First, Deuteronomy 14:26 and second, Nehemiah 8:9-18 (but this is more about the food and the celebration than about gifts).
I think the reason commercialization of holidays bothers us is because gifts can bring out a feeling of selfishness and greed. Another problem is when people try to market something in stores, etc., so much that it takes the emphasis off God and makes it all about earning money. I think this is what was happening in Matthew 21:12-13.
However, the command to “rejoice” and to “spend the money for whatever you desire” is very clear, especially during Sukkot. Purim shows us the pattern of how the Jews celebrate (Esther 9:22), although that’s not a command. It also reminds us that giving to the poor is a command on our feast days. (This can help us keep a good heart attitude.) At the very least, the food should be very good! 🙂 I think YHWH wants our children to remember His Feast Days with great joy and delight, not drudgery.
I really liked your position/ideas o gift giving, but I’m curious about the 10% being used for the feasts. Would that mean that the tithe is kept separate at home for this purpose istead of given at the congregation (church) to be used for supporting the ministry?
Edda Vargas
We’ve never had Xmas in our home or Easter. But. There have been a few years we showed up at family functions for family peace. Boy was that a mistake. Our family now uses that against us as a judgement now that we will not participate again. We’ve been married almost 23 years. And sadly my family still argues & pressures us each Xmas & Easter.
We’ve done Hanukkah for about 14 years. But over time it became about the presents. It’s hard to avoid. So we’ve been throwing around the idea 1 gift per feast or a gift on each new moon. Thanks for the verses. And hubby & I will go over it & continue to pray & seek His will. Blessings.
Latisha
We stopped celebrating the pagan feasts (xmass, easter, valentines etc) 5 years ago and it took me 3 years to get my immediate family to understand and officially nobody in my immediate family is doing xmass. We just remained firm about our beliefs and it paid off. Also, it only paid off when we stepped back and became kind, loving and understanding toward them not receiving this revelation yet.
We still struggle to keep the feasts properly to be honest but we try each year and every year we receive a deeper revelation on keeping the feasts and keeping it Scriptural. I have found in Scripture the only time that gifts are being given to other people is during the feast of Purim (the one they started in Esther).
I would like to comment on the tithe however because this is something our Elohim has brought to my attention about 3 years ago and I’ve been questioning it ever since I realized the churches also explains that incorrectly. So my understanding at this point about it and I continue to learn is: for 2 years your tithe is spent on the Pilgrim Feasts between you and YHVH and in the 3rd year you give it to the Levites, the Orphans, the Poor and the Widows – during this time it is kept with you and given to them when they come to you but because things doesn’t seem to work this way, we give it away. I’m not sure if this is done monthly yet or also on the Pilgrims feasts. I realized the key with why it is spent to go to Jerusalem and that our men are called to take the tithe and go there is because once you go to Jerusalem, you’ll never be the same again. You get recharged and you come back wanting to live in line with YHVH even more and therefore the men will run the houses with YHVH’s authority and not with men’s authority. I don’t know if this makes sense but I don’t think I have time for an essay about this. We personally have not done this correctly because so many teach this incorrectly and although I’ve been working through this for years now, this last revelation of my husband that has to go to Jerusalem with our tithe 2 years in a row, has finally become clear to me. If ‘Christian’ men follow this, they will go to Jerusalem and the will to observe the feasts and Torah will be sparked in them and the ‘Christian’ church will also start to move in to union with Judah. Tithing for us is between us and YHVH and He gives us beautiful explanations on what and how to spend it with Him 2 years in a row or every 3rd year, to His people within your gates.
I just wanted to say thanks for this post! This has been the practice in our home for the last few years – since we stopped celebrating Christmas ourselves, and I am grateful to hear the opinion of someone wiser than myself! Thank you!
I am so grateful in finding this group. My family and I have completely stopped the pagan holidays a few years ago. It has been a bumpy road, but we have FAITH in God that He is here guiding us and giving us the strength. We still struggle on the feasts days but I am still in the learning stage and I am very passionate in learning, so I can be a good teacher to my children. We are going through the same with family and friends not agreeing with our decisions, but we know what is best for our family and moved away so we can do what we know is right (we still visit). We have gifted small inexpensive items to the children (ages: 9,6 & 3) but only after reading the bible, worshipping, dancing etc and only as a “prize” after asking questions and making games out of teaching and learning Torah just to make it more fun for them and to keep them interested. We did that for 8 days and they each had one item and my budget was $40 each (Five Below is GREAT). As I said I am still learning myself and I look forward in learning more and getting to communicate with other Torah believers/followers.
I really found this article clear and concise in its explanation of the tithes God commands. Enjoy! https://www.ucg.org/bible-study-tools/booklets/what-does-the-bible-teach-about-tithing/does-the-bible-describe-more-than
I would love to hear a response to this question also. My family is new to following Torah as our eyes have been opened over the last year. The tithes is one area that is not clear to me. Well, as I study the scriptures it is becoming clear….tithe doesn’t seem to be what we have been taught in the church our whole lives. Anne, I would so love to hear your and your husbands opinion of the scriptures on tithes as everything I have watched and read of yours is so in line with the scriptures and blesses me. Thank you!
Thank you all for all your insight. This is the first year that my family and I are going to attempt to observe holy feast days. However, I know that Christmas is going to be the hardest one. My husband and I have done a lot of research this year and are coming to the truth. I think the biggest struggle this year, more than the gifts, will be not putting up lights, christmas tree, and decorations. That is something that my children and I do together every year, and for us, this and time with family has always been our focus as well as the Messiah. My question is, is it wrong to still decorate with some things? We are still learning a lot and I know that I am struggling with this. Any suggestions or scriptures that say that those particular things are wrong? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks again!
Nicole
Nicole, I can REALLLLLLLLY relate to this! 🙂 May I share a link to my personal testimony? Maybe it will help.
http://anneelliott.com/2011/12/the-day-we-took-the-christmas-tree-down/
The video linked at the bottom of the post was very helpful for me as well. It explains what many of the decorations themselves mean.
For our family, it wasn’t enough to just eliminate the old holidays. We needed to REPLACE them with Sukkot and and the other biblical feasts. Just think about the fact that YHWH gives us 7 holidays to replace the world’s lousy 2. LOL! Seriously, for my children, they haven’t missed the old ones at all. (Truthfulness must say that it wasn’t as easy for the adults.)
Hugs,
~Anne
Hey, everyone, I apologize for missing this question! Wow!
I will be working on a response. <3
~Anne
I love this! Thank you!
Thank you
This was so helpful. I have recently decided to completely stop celebrating Christmas. I have always disliked it. even as a child–I did not like it. I (of course) loved gifts. Who doesn’t? but for some reason, I have always disliked Christmas.
I decided to do a study on the Feasts of the Lord–He has holidays that he wants us to celebrate. And those are the ones I want to celebrate.
I didn’t know if there was a way to give gifts or not—and this really brought clarity to me.
Thank you